One  year, I decided  to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas  gift...

The next  year, I didn't buy her a  gift.

When she asked  me why, I  replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last

And that's how the fight  started.....


My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire 
while we  were in bed.

I turned to  her and said, 'Do you want to  have Sex?'

'No,' she answered. I then  said,

'Is that your final  answer?'

She didn't even look  at me this time, simply saying,

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a  friend."

And that's when the fight  started...


My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping  channels.

She asked, "What's on  the TV?"

I said,  "Dust."

And then the fight  started...


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to 
apply  for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License
 to  verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet 
at  home.  I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I 
would  have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your  shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver  hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough
 for me'  and she processed my Social Security  application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience
at  the Social Security office.  She said, 'You should  have
dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability  too.'

And then the fight  started...


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